Sunday, July 10, 2011

Porn As A Story

If you're reading this, you probably know I write smut. (It's kind of described in the masthead.) Smut, erotica, porn, graphic writing, whatever you want to call it - it's certainly a legitimate form of expression. You might not find it morally correct, but it's been around for as long as humans have been writing things and it never has failed to stimulate.

I find it almost natural to write about sex, and I fumbled around with writing for a few years before I figured out why. The reason was something I learned in middle school, from my super awesome English teacher who was also a former African missionary (!!!).

Read on.




Triangle Man

Most works of dramatic fiction follow a pretty simple formula, which is shown by this diagram:


I originally started writing non-erotic fiction, but found it very difficult to manipulate the story to actually 'go somewhere'. When I would write porn, though, I could easily complete a story.

Just looking at that diagram should explain why. That diagram describes the flow of events of sex: you say hi, you unzip each other, you kiss and dock your cock into his foreskin, you cream his hood, then you snuggle in bed and fall asleep to the smells of your own sex.

What? That's totally how sex works!

Peanut Butter In My Chocolate

Of course, you can combine the two parts into a story. Here's the exposition:

"Hey, did someone order a pizza?"

You have rising action:

Pizza guy comes in to wait and is smothered by a chloroform rag


Pizza guy is brainwashed by a psychopath into acting like a dog and put into a leather puppy suit


You have the climax:

Pizza Pup is shown off at cocktail party hosted by psychopath and becomes the cum dump in a wicked ten-person bukkake


You have the falling action:

Pizza Pup licks his chin clean and gets petted by all of the party goers


And you have the 'denouement', which is a stupid french word for 'that crap at the end of a story where the author tries to figure out how to just stop writing without it being awkward:

Yay! Pizza Pup now has a happy life instead of driving around delivering pizzas in a rusty Saturn so he can buy his pussywhipping girlfriend expensive things so she won't cheat on him.


Not all stories have a denouement. For example, "Footfall" by Larry Niven and his neocon buddy Jerry Pournelle has no denouement. The end of the book is basically, "yay, we won!" and it just goes splat, right there. I ruined the book for you because really, it's a book about aliens that look like cute fuzzy elephants coming to take over Earth, but humans win because Larry Niven is not Stanislaw Lem. I don't think you really need to be surprised or anything.

This post also doesn't have a denouement. Or does it?

1 comment:

  1. Ah, the heart-warming tale of the origins of Pizza Pup. You should consider giving lectures on literature.

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